-Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
-When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
-A penny saved is a government oversight.
-The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
-The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
-Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ' XL?
-If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
-If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
-The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
-Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs?'
-Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
-The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
-Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
-When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
-You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
-Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
-First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
-Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.
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